Amersham 2 -2 Mill Hill Last time Mill Hill took on the only team in the division to have managed the considerable feat of accumulating fewer points than themselves, they generously gifted their opponents a two goal lead.

Not a team to learn from their mistakes, Mill Hill turned out, failed to warm up and almost immediately conceded a couple of soft goals against a team with less cutting edge than a rubber ball.

A miserable performance saw Mill Hill hand over possession repeatedly and fail to mount any sort of threat. Dispirited and dejected the eleven stumbled into the goal at half time, having failed to get anywhere near it during the first 35 minutes.

There followed a furious discussion during which it was decided that the entire team would surrender their bonus and seek help from the Government. Except Apay, who needed to seek help elsewhere.

The team emerged from the break like Clark Kent from a phone box. Ian Namey metaphorically castrated the Amersham attack, while Craig McIntyre, having swapped from the right to the left took on the lethal threat of a badly maintained gas boiler leaking poisonously through the home defence.

Nick Warr was given the responsibility of chief executioner from the numerous short corners but carried out his role with a Baldrick-like professionalism, botching cunning plan after cunning plan. Indeed when Mill Hill broke their duck for the first time since Christmas the goal resembled a Blackadder scene, A miss-hit shot crawled towards the goal, hit a foot and crept through the keeper's legs, barely reaching the backboard.

The equaliser was far smoother as Pete Lazlett neatly swept home another penalty corner.    Mill Hill continued to press (partly because the captain, unable to count to four was operating under the mistaken assumption that his side were losing) and looked the more likely to win. Their best opportunity came when the ball looped up in the D, offering Dan Stockhill a simple tap in, which he fluffed. The ball then bobbled to Apay, who also managed to botch his chance, enfuriating himself to degrees of fury not seen in the Western world since Ivan the Terrible of Russia ordered his whole court to be thrown into a pit of starving wild dogs.

Nevertheless, the quietly diplomatic Solly managed to push the nuclear button, winding up the normally placid forward to a Chernobyl style meltdown. Who knows what the fallout will be.