PHC Chiswick 2 – 1 Mill Hill Chiswick are a pioneering hockey club. They are the first in the country to participate in a UN-sponsored scheme to reduce global warming by decommissioning lumberjacks from the tropical forests of Australia and find them employment in the UK.

So far the scheme has been declared a success - unless of course you are Mill Hill centre forward Ryan Sclanders, who now has more notches on his shin than Don Juan ever accumulated on his bed post.

For the second game in a row, Mill Hill took 35 minutes to warm up. Having offered a myriad of chances through sloppy passing, they only had luck and new goalkeeper Mike to thank for going into the break 1-0 down.

The dismal performance particularly riled the combative Nick Warr, who let fly a stream of invective directed towards team-mates, umpires and the opposition. Those words stung Mill Hill into some kind of action. Nevertheless, the score was 2-0 before the umpires finally decided to act over the battery of Sclanders and award a flick which he converted.

Mike Sollyman proceeded to miss a range of opportunities ranging from the very simple to the so-easy-it-could-be-a-quiz-question-on Richard-and-Judy quashing any hopes of securing Mill Hill’s first points of the season.

Still having achieved an admittedly unambitious target of scoring half as many as the opposition, the North London side can still, at least, claim their results are still improving.