Hello again, my human friends. That FOOL Jonty is out at the moment so I'm able to waffle on about "Big Brother 9" again on this machine. MA HA HA! Last year the contestants were, in the words of Phil (one of the "BB" Big Cheeses), "nicey nicey". Well, not this year: they're much more Tunkittyesque - LOVE it!

"Big Brother" announced that there was a Real Couple in the house: who was it? They were all intelligent enough to say, "Lisa and Mario". Smart. They were then told that the twelve not involved in trying to fool everyone else with that PATHETIC FARCE would be rewarded for having seen through it by being immune from the executioner's axe this Friday.

If this had been Jonty's namby-pamby year what would everyone have done? The Ziggys and the Caroles and the Karas would have been hugging the four and telling them how sorry they were and how they admired them for acting so well - there'd have been tears from Jonty and some heart-warming advice from Brian. And some bending over the lavatory in DISGUST from Munkitty Tunkitty - RAGE! But what did our twelve heroes do this year? They ruddy well CHEERED! That's right, my friends: YOU'RE not facing the guillotine this week. Your four fellow HMs are but NEWSFLASH: they're not you and you're not them. Who cares?

And when Mikey, Alex and Sylvia got their knickers in a twist over a pair of... well, knickers, did anyone say that sickening 2007 word "sorry" to each other? Of course not: they all just repeated exactly what they'd said earlier to prove that they'd been in the right all along and that each other could SUFFER. You're learning, my friends - you're learning.

And when Darnell was asked who his favourite HM was his answer was... HIMSELF!

Keep at it, 2008 - you've understood that THIS IS BIG BROTHER. YOU ARE LIVE ON CHANNEL 4 - PLEASE DO NOT SWEAR.

The best to you all, my friends

- Munkitty Tunkitty