In my brief incursion into your lives as a blogger I have emerged in a veritable variety of guises, as Deadly Den, the lookalike of a former Aston Villa FC chairman; Big Den; Richard Signy's father; Signy Sahib; and 14894617 Sgt Signy, Sir, ex - British Raj, Intelligence Corps, Up the Khyber.

I can add a new name to the list. Le me explain. The telephone rang at Schloss Signy - an Englishman's home is his castle, folks! - and was answered in my absence by Mrs S, who throws in a bit of secretarial duty alongside the domestic trivia she claims is her lot as a happy housewife.

"Mr Obee, please", said a man's voice.

She replied that no-one of that name resided at the address and asked was the caller, in fact, through to the correct number.

The voice replied with our number. "Sorry", responded Mrs S with that triumphant womanly I-always-have-the final-word tone that we mere male mortals know from a mile off. "There's no-one called Mr Obee here".

"Well, it says Mr Obee here on this list against your number", said the voice, identifying himself as a member of Her Majesty's Constabulary.

There was a brief pause before he emitted a quiet laugh and added: "Oh, I'm sorry, it says here 'Dennis Signy .... OBE'."

Having established that the fellow did not want to feel my collar for some misdemeanour, Mrs S said that I was out and would return hence. I still await the return call.

The reason for her apprehension about any possible lawlessness by her husband possibly followed the recent receipt of a letter from those nice people at the London Borough of Barnet - 'Putting the community first' - so capably guided into money-raising wheezes by my fellow blogger and council leader Mike Freer.

Like all motorists who get caught bang to rights, I have a conspiracy theory. I reckon that they must have read at the town hall that I was attending the Football League play-offs at Wembley Stadium and received intelligence of the short cut across the Welsh Harp reservoir I have been using to get there and back in double quick time for the past 50-plus years.

So, as I turned left from Cool Oak Lane into West Hendon Broadway at 5.15 p.m. on my way home from the game on BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY I found the offside lane gridlocked for some half a mile back to the lights.

To ensure that traffic behind me could get out, I went along the alternative nearside lane for a couple of hundred yards or so before turning left again. Unaware, of course, there was an operator waiting for me "observing real time pictures from a road side camera".

The nearside lane was, as you have smartly deduced, a bus lane and the penalty charge notice, for such was the letter, added that the "alleged contravention" — weren't they sure then? — was supported by video evidence.

My first inclination was to fall on my sword as a disgraced blogger; I briefly thought about going round to Mike Freer's gaff to pop the money through the letter box wrapped in an election notice asking me to vote for him.

In the end, of couse, I accepted it as a fair cop and paid my £60 pronto via an automated line, which probably went some way towards Bank Holiday overtime for the operator or to helping we Hendonians prop up the 2012 Olympics alongside our already generous council tax contributions.

I know it's an offence to tip off fellow motorists of lurking police patrols, but I feel a gentle warning to my fellow residents of the London Borough of Barnet is in order .... keep clear of West Hendon Broadway on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, Good Friday and other high days and holy days. That workaholic Mike Freer and his town hall cohorts obviously operate a 365-day year!

PS Where were you when I was shot? Rod Brewster, chief photographer at the Times in my day and latterly editor of the Borehamwood Times, responded to my question in the last blog by recalling sitting on the window ledge behind my desk for part of the time I was listening to the lady in my office. He left me to my fate before the gun came out as he could not get a word in. Lucky him, he could have been thrown back out of the window by the shock sound of the shot!