Now that I have an avocado sized foetus attached to my insides (plus all the padding that comes with it), I am really having trouble sleeping.

It’s ironic because I have never been more tired in my entire life but as soon as my head hits the pillow and my baby pouch hits the bed I am as uncomfortable as if I were sleeping on rocks.

For someone who has spent the majority of her life sleeping on her stomach, being pregnant doesn’t fit.

I never found it difficult to get comfortable under my cosy duvet before but now it may as well be a piece of sandpaper for the enjoyment it brings me.

I don’t like sleeping on my side. I spend so much time trying to balance myself that relaxing is the last thing on my mind. And sleeping on my back makes me feel like I’m in hospital, there’s absolutely no pleasure in it at all.

But on the odd occassion I have been tempted to just try and sleep on my tummy in my current state I have lasted no more than two minutes after the guilt gets the better of me. I can’t be such a selfish mother (already) can I? Squashing my child into my organs just so I can get a decent nights sleep. And in any case, it wouldn’t be a decent night’s sleep because aside from the guilt, even lying on my tummy, avocado baby and all, is not comfortable any more.

And logic tells me this is only going to get worse as the avocado develops slowly into a melon with a body and I start feeling permenantly attached to a lead-filled beach ball.

I am considering inventing a solution. You know those massage beds that have a hole where you put you’re face so as not to suffocate while your knots are being plied out of your shoulders? Well what if there was something like that with a hole where your bulging tummy could slot? Good idea huh?

I know normally inventors keep their ideas to themselves until they’ve got a patent or at least won over the dragons of Dragon’s Den but to be honest I am quite busy, so if someone fancies going ahead and developing this idea please do. And let me know as soon as I can place the first order...