As the first pigeons began to stir under the bridge at Mill Hill Broadway, Apay Obang-Oyway reached out of his bed, switched off his alarm clock and rubbed his eyes - before rolling over back to sleep. Little did he know of the action-filled morning that awaited him.

The rest of the team duly assembled at a lonely Old Merchant Taylor's school at 10:45. There was, as usual, no time for a warm up, although stand-in keeper Dave did manage to swig down a couple of tins of super strongbow.

Apay arrived seconds before pushback and played his part in an attritional first 35 minutes. Mill Hill felt they had the upper hand but both sides had chances that they failed to convert.

Over the many years the two teams (with few changes in personnel) have battled out this fixture OMT have gone from being a gritty, hard to beat team to an old, gritty hard to beat side.

But Ryan Schlanders did his best to ensure the bitterest of adversaries, the OMT twins, wouldn't make it to next year, venomously striking both with stick and ball. But away from goal, the striker was not as lethal as in front of it. A pretty severe wince was the best he could elicit.

Having failed to cause much physical pain, he turned to torturing the defence with his wandering runs.

Finally the deadlock was broken when the reliable Pete-Evo short corner combination set up Nick Warr. His powerful strike cannoned against a defenders foot and into the path of Dozy, who swept home sweetly with his reverse stick.

Mill Hill's nerves, sparked by a couple of jittery defensive performances, were allayed by Ryan's second, a powerful, though ill-directed strike from the top of the D.

Credit should also go to keeper Dave, who belied his inexperience and alcohol consumption with a couple of sharp saves. Dave - student by day, vampire by night - won man of the match for his impressive display. He'll be downing a pint of blood next time he's seen in the clubhouse.

But to return to the day Apay will never forget... Ryan's sharp-shooting wasn't confined to the opposition, like an expert hunter targeting an elephant he also took aim at Apay's weak point, bringing down the big man with a single shot. Residents in the surrounding area, hearing the shrill squeals and squeaks that followed must have thought Jade Goody was being tortured by a gang of unruly OMT pupils.

To make matters worse, Ryan "the witch doctor" insisted he could relieve the pain and tried to roll his prone team-mate onto his back. Anyone who's ever experienced that kind of agony will know that an epidural is the only realistic remedy.

On the plus side though, Apay's going to have much less reason to stay in bed on Saturday mornings for the next few days so there's some cause for hope that he might make the games on time.