Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. Our first contestant is Major Tom, a six-year old Basset Hound from Brighton. His likes include Schmakos treats and going to dog shows with his mummy, and his dislikes include tripping over his ears and being woken up when he’s having a nice sleep.

Major’s mummy is 35-year-old Victoria Melody. Her likes include entering Major into dog shows and herself into beauty pageants, and putting her experiences into one-woman theatre productions, the latest of which is Major Tom, the true story of how an unlikely pair of underdogs became a beauty queen and a championship show dog, and explores the British fascination with celebrity, beauty and winning.

The show was inspired by Major accidentally winning an amateur dog show back in 2010.

“Where we live, Major is a very big character, he’s known by all the shopkeepers and everybody kept saying we should enter him into dog shows, so one day we took him to one – and he won Best in Show. He also won the Biggest Ears in South East England competition.“

Major kept winning amateur shows and Victoria entered him for his first professional show in 2011. He did about ten in total – but kept coming last.

“I felt really guilty,“ Victoria laughs. “The biggest thing was they didn’t like his rib cage, they thought he was a bit too big. And one judge said he was too black.“

Victoria was particularly upset when one judge told her that Major was never going to be any good and she shouldn’t bother entering him into any more competitions.

“That just made me cry,“ she says. “I thought if I was going to keep on with these dog shows then I needed to find a way to balance out this guilt – and I thought ‘beauty pageant’!“

Not most people’s first thought but, then, Victoria isn’t like most people. She got into theatre three years ago after starting out as a sculptor, when she realised that people liked her talks about her exhibitions more than they liked her artwork. Her first show was about living with pigeon fanciers and learning to northern soul dance in strangers’ living rooms, which was commissioned solely on the strength of the funniness of her pitch at a Dragons’ Den-style audition.

Victoria found herself becoming totally immersed in the world of beauty pageants.

“We’re talking a year’s worth of metamorphosis,“ she says, “losing weight, putting it back on, being hypnotised, going to see plastic surgeons, beauticians, loads of exercise. I don’t look recognisable to my family and friends any more. My husband finds it quite frustrating, he’s like ‘This isn’t you!’

“I started doing the beauty pageants thinking this would be good material for a show, but then I found I was competing because I wanted to win.“ At the same time as pushing herself to win Mrs England 2013, the married version of Miss Great Britain (she already holds the title of Mrs Brighton), Victoria was on an equally determined quest to get Major Tom into Crufts.

“I became really competitive about that as well! Through sheer pigheaded perseverance I was hoping that one day a judge would see his qualities.“

And one day, someone did. Major was in Crufts in March of this year, just two days after his mummy was on stage in the Mrs England 2013 pageant. But you’ll have to go to the show to see how they both got on.

Major Tom will be there on the night – and Victoria is in no doubt as to which of them is the biggest draw.

“He mainly sleeps but when he’s awake his comic timing is genius. I’ll be talking really enthusiastically about something and he’ll just look at the audience and yawn.

“I’ve totally shot myself in the foot with this show, he completely upstages me every time.“

  • Major Tom is at artsdepot, Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, North Finchley on Thursday, May 16 at 7.30pm. Details: 020 8369 5454, www.artsdepot.co.uk